Because I wasn’t doing anything else with the next twenty years of my life, right?
At the end of February, I had a lapse in birth control. I needed to renew my prescription, I was sick, the weather was terrible, surely a few weeks off the pill wouldn’t come to anything. I’m thirty-eight. The time in life when people work for months if not years to get pregnant. (Yes, I can hear you laughing already)
A few weeks later, my breasts were sore and I couldn’t sleep. Then I was sick (exhausted and nauseous) for a week. I finally made it to the pharmacist for my birth control. It’s so nice that they can prescribe that now! As a precaution, I picked up a pregnancy test. Just in case.
My husband spotted it when I got home and had a little bit of a freak-out. “Take it now!”
“It’s just a precaution, babe.”
“Now now now!”
I went into the bathroom. The second line showed up basically instantly. It doesn’t necessarily count though. You have to wait one to three minutes.
I left the stick in the bathroom and set a timer. Syo (who will be sixteen shortly) got home from school.
The timer went off and we rushed into the bathroom. Two lines, definitely.
“Does that mean pregnant?”
“Yes, that means pregnant.”
“Syo!!!!!! Get in here!!!!”
So that was it. No discussion. No backing out, no second thoughts. Barring unforeseen complications, we’re having a baby. Sometime in November or early December.
A few weeks later I had seen a doctor and booked an ultrasound, and an assortment of other tests. Last time I was pregnant, I was blithely confident that complications were things that happened to other people. This time, I feel like one of the people complications happen to.
A few days ago I had an ultrasound. We’re hoping to improve my rather shaky dates. I’ve never had an early routine ultrasound before—it didn’t occur to me to get any prenatal care with Tyo, other than taking vitamins, until I was twenty weeks along. With Syo I wound up in the ER with heavy bleeding at nine weeks. The only thing I remember from that ultrasound was watching to see if there was still a heartbeat.
This routine ultrasound took a while. At one point the technician had to add a second squirt of goop. I found myself watching her face, wondering if I’d be able to tell if something was wrong. I’m not the best at reading people.
At last she said “ok, we’re ready to give you a look. Now, just so you’re prepared, do you have any history of twins in your family?”
And yes, then she showed me not one, but two little bodies in their little sacs.
In case you’re not quite up on the magnitude of this fuck up, my last baby will be turning sixteen this summer. My first baby will be nineteen, the age I was when she was born, when I give birth to her little siblings. Last time I was pregnant, I was twenty-two, and by twenty-nine I was thinking I wouldn’t want to put my body through that again.
We were always the young parents. That has its downsides—we were poor, unstable, very limited in our means. On the other hand, we were young, energetic, with vivid memories of our own childhood to draw on.
In many ways, our situation now is much better. Older, wiser, definitely more financially stable, if not exactly wealthy. I will have maternity leave from my grown up job—a year’s worth, and while my husband hasn’t been able to work outside the home for several years, he’ll be able to look after a small child or two when I go back to work. There are a lot of good things about us having a baby now, and while we’re no longer young, we’re not catastrophically old either.
If it weren’t for the part of my brain that keeps complaining that we were nearly done. The kids are nearly grown. I thought the next baby in my life would be a grand baby. WTF. I’m supposed to finally be experiencing adulthood that isn’t also parenthood, or at least, is the less-intensive (though maybe no less terrifying) tail off of parenting grown children. However, that’s only one part of my brain, and the other parts are pretty excited about another grand adventure. Those are not the logical bits, mind you.
The girls are happy. They’ve been campaigning for a younger sibling since they were old enough to articulate the concept. My husband is happy. Even my mom is happy. (My Dad, bless his heart, said essentially the same thing he did when I told him I was pregnant the first time: “Why?” Thanks, Dad.)
On the downside, exhaustion has sapped my sewjo big time. I have barely done anything except occasionally go down to the sewing room to putter. I still have to finish my quilt. I also have some class samples to do so I’m sure I’ll get to those. Right now I’m using Me Made May to take stock of what in my wardrobe will function for pregnancy (early and late) and nursing and there may be some desperation sewing later on if this bump keeps expanding at such a prodigious rate. I’d like to say I’ll be up for some cute baby sewing at some point… we’ll see. Especially since apparently now I’ll need two of everything?
59 responses to “Going around again”
Wow! Wasn’t that a nice surprise! Or two! Congratulations! You have a fantastic pen. You should consider it as a carrier. I would definitely buy your books!
Thank you! I have thought about it from time to time…
Oh. My. Goodness. I don’t know what I expected when I opened your post to read it, but it certainly wasn’t this momentous news!! ❤ ❤ Congratulations to you and your family on the upcoming additions. (Way to be an overachiever, haha!) I hope you have a healthy and non-eventful pregnancy, and that you are able to get some of that energy back soon!
Thank you! I am definitely hoping for healthy and uneventful!
Congratulations to all of you! And as the previous comment states , I always enjoy how well written your blog comments are.
Thank you!!! On both fronts!
Congrats! You’ve done such a good job with the first two, I know you’ll do well with the next pair. I wish all parents were as devoted and loving as you!
Thank you! The kids are one of the things in my life I’m more proud of. 😂
Congratulations! When my son’s partner got pregnant she was 35. The doctor told her “older” moms are more likely to have multiples, which could be why we see so many more of them now. Take care .
Yeah, age and also how I was just coming off the pill Almaden’s it more likely, apparently. Oops!
I can appreciate both sides (all the sides?) of how you’re feeling! I had my last baby of three at 39 – he was unexpected too! I think there’s something really great about being that more experienced, laid back, resourced and resourceful parent. That kid is now 14, and he’s always been the most laid back of my kids. I think a lot of that is him, but some of it may be down to being us being more mellow confident parents too.
My eldest is also 19 now, so I get that feeling of being done, and can imagine the shock it was, to NOT be done! Mine were a little closer together, of course, as eldest was born when I was 33 (and middle at 35). As eldest and youngest are just about 5 years apart, we didn’t get the bonus live in babysitters! Your older two will develop an excellent understanding of how to take care of infants and how to be around small children, which is a wonderful skill to have.
I’ve follwed your blog for years and wish you all the best through this crazy, beautiful adventure you’re on!
Congratulations and the beauty of baby clothes – is that they sew up quicker compared to adult!
Thank you!!! And there is definitely that!
Congratulations! You can do this. We have confidence in you.
Aww, thank you!
I love this post!! Just fyi – I completely understand the idea of being done with this life phase (I am there with my own 19 yo at the moment!). But you are actually the age that most of my friends have been at when they’ve had their first kid. You are just an early adopter (weird pun intended?!) And you do have ready made support systems aplenty – which is wonderfully amazing. I say it’s a chance to improve on your initial prototypes 🙂 – not that this is possible! – given all you’ve learned to date. But you are very practical to take a vaguely more “medical” approach i.e. seeing the doc before 20 weeks, because 2 babies at once is a whole different process, as I understand it. FWIW – and I had midwives and a home birth – though, ironically, I was the most anxious pregnant person I’ve ever come across and my poor midwives were ready to throw me out the window, with cause. Looking back on it, if my anxiety hadn’t been motivated by the idea of medicalized birth, I would have had every hard-core, test-doing obstetrician in the land. One day I’ll tell you about the time I lost my shit about about eating unwashed raspberries (which was the only way I was going to stop from fainting). That is a weekend of insanity my husband is glad we won’t see again. It still comes up in conversation.
Ah, yes, thé pregnancy insanity. I like to think mine is mild but my husband would probably tell you different. 😂 we were pretty happy with being early adopters… but on the other hand my husband has been pining about cute little voices and things like that… it will be interesting, that’s for sure.
Congratulations!! There are definitely some benefits to having your kids spaced so far apart. One, it’s often awesome birth control incentives for the older kids!! 🙂 I hope you get into sewing your own ring slings and mei tais. With older kids, they are totally capable of wearing a baby too! Slings are life savers!
Yeah, I will have to look into the current state of home-made baby carriers. I never really got the hang of slings, but a friend had made me a snuggly that was great. And yes, definitely thinking this may be excellent birth control motivation… 😂
Congratulations, I am sure it will be fun when they arrive, and two new ones to sew for, and your existing older two might want to sew for them as well!
Thank you! Oh that would be fun!
You look amazingly beautiful while pregnant! I pray for a happy, healthy pregnancy and safe delivery for you and two precious, healthy little blessings that I’m certain will bring immeasurable joy to your family! FWIW, my husband and I adopted a special needs 4 year-old when I was 52 and my DH was 77. You’re young!
Thank you! Also, my goodness that must keep you busy!
Exciting times ahead for sure!😍😂😘
Wow! Congratulations! I guess this time round you’ll have a few more energetic babysitters on hand.
There is that!
So thrilled for you!
Wow! Congratulations to you and your family on the wonderful news. And twins! Double the joy! I wish you time and energy to sew before they arrive. Enjoy the blessings!
Thank you, and I really hope I get some energy back soon, too!
What a blessing! Congratulations! I wish you all the best.
Bonus babies are the best! I have a 14 year gap between my son and daughter. The boys have flown the coup, but my girl keeps me young! Congratulations!!! We’re all rooting for you!!!
Thank you! It’s good to hear from someone in a similar position. I’ll try to think of this as keeping us young!
Big news – wow! Congratulations! And I’m sending you energy via the magic of the internet 😉 Take care of yourself and enjoy it as much as you can!
OMG!!! How overwhelming. Congratulations!! I am seriously wishing you good health and all the good things for this pregnancy and the exciting years to come.
Well congratulations. I have a friend who also was pregnant at 19, her son and my son are best friends so same age, 15. She had another son then they thought they were done. Same situation – youth, energy, poor, the only ones in their peer group with kids. Then when they thought they were getting on top of things, bam, pregnant again, then 2 years later again.. not twins but same, same but different. I had my son at 42… I have as much energy now as I did then. Gee, it’ll go in a flash. I hope it all goes smoothly for you all, and hope your energy comes back soon.
Wow, that’s a big shift to get your head around! Congrats, you are glowing in that photo! I have been reading here since forever but stopped blogging for a few years and rarely click through to leave comments. I have a new blog… and I decided this post was totally worth a comment! 😘
This just happened to some friends of mine – she was 42? and heavyset, and didn’t realize until 6mo along. A couple of months later, she was in the hospital … talk about NO time to plan. Their firstborn graduated HS the June after their new ones (twins) were born.
You’re going to do wonderfully. And – at least IMO – baby clothes are quite fun to sew. No fitting at all!
You are as old as I was when I had the one that just graduated from college this weekend (just drove back with the packed car). I was very very pleased to be wrapping up number two just before I turned 41.
I’m glad all is going well, and The Spare Pair will change up Syo’s later teen years.
Not to mention YOURS.
Blessings and love to all concerned (built in babysitting??)
Meant to say “you are as old NOW”
Congratulations! I’m so excited for you.
Whoa, big news! Congrats!
Congratulations! You are an amazing mom, you’ll do fantastic! My son’s wife is 38 and having a baby in June after having 2 who are 12 and 14. They are essentially starting over as well. One more grand baby for us!! Congratulations again!! Hugs❤️
Thank you! Yeah, it’s a big mental adjustment but I hope it will be fun!
Not sure how I missed this but CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have such a wonderful spirit, these little nuggets are so lucky to have you!
Just had a surprise baby myself, the gap between the older ones and this one is nearly a decade. Will pray for you, that you are able to cope, and that they sleep well.
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I visit your site infrequently as I do most sewing blogs these days , but was so suprised to see that you were around 7 months pregnant. Haha…suprise. Twins! I was 37 when my youngest was born and was so concerned that it was going to be a problem at such an “old” age. Well it wasn’t. None of my fears or concerns came to pass. It was a wonderful and lovely time of life to have a small one. My youngest is now 23 and doing well. Now, two is more challenging, but I’m sure it will be a wonderful blessing in your life. The first year will be difficult, but you’ll get through it. Congratulations!
Thank you for your story! It doesn’t seem quite as scary as it did when we first found out, and everything seems to be progressing well. Heh. I definitely FEEL 7 months pregnant. 😭
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